Outside Heaven's Door
by KrystalBlaze - Jerikor
Summary: A earthquake had struck Team Extreme and Matt is the fault line. Now as he tries to piece it back together, he finds he is spiraling dangerously close to the edge of insanity.* Kindda songfic. Song is LIfehouse's 'Breathing'*


I hope you like this. I wrote it in the space of an hour, but I like it. Some bad words, but all right. I don't own the Hardys or Lita. The song Breathing belongs to Lifehouse (totally awesome song, but the CD!) Hope you like it and don't forget to review. Oh yeah: if you read this, _please_ go read my other story Which Way Will He Go. _Please!_ And I know Akila put her story up and it's quite similar to mine, but we may be twins, but we're different, okay? This is my take, her story was hers. Okay? 

Enough jabber, read and enjoy!

~Blazer~

****

Outside Heaven's Door

The walls of the hospital room were a pasty white color. The sheets of the bed were exactly the same. The tiled floor was white. The door that led to the bathroom was white. The pillow was white. The door that led to the hall was white. White, white, white. He was trapped in a white hell. 

Matt touched the soft bandage wrapped around his neck. Like the hell, it was white. He breathed slowly through the oxygen mask and was treated to a fine dose of pain in his larynx. He wanted to cough, but he knew that would only bring more pain to his healing voice box. The doctors said that it was bruised severely and it was swelling slightly. That was why he needed the stupid oxygen mask.

He closed his eyes and was in a cave of black. At least it was better than the white hell he was in. The Undertaker. Mark Callaway. What a bitch. He wanted to leap out of the room and hunt that monster down. He had only been a wild teenager when the Undertaker was the Lord of Darkness, but he remembered the wild, uncaring SOB that he was back then. After these last two weeks, it appeared he was once again becoming the Lord of Darkness.

Matt applied pressure to his voice box. It stung badly and he gasped, but that only brought more pain. Maybe it was even more than the pain that he had been causing his brother and ex-girlfriend the past weeks. Maybe. He doubted it.

He almost smiled, remembering Jeff and Amy. Jeff and Amy. His brother. He loved Jeff. Jeff was his brother, his companion, his best friend, his tag team partner…or used to be. He didn't think that Jeff would want anything to do with him after the way he had acted the last few weeks. He had acted even worst than the Undertaker. What caused more pain, a psychical wound or a gash in your soul and in your spirit?

Amy. Amy. He chanted her name over and over in his mind. His beautiful sweet Amy. His everything. He had lived for her, lived for her touch and to hear her voice. He had been high off of her soul. He had truly believed that she was his soul mate. He believed in things such as that. Her spirit drove and fueled him. She had always been there, cheering for him and urging him to greater things. 

Gone. She was gone. He had acted out of jealousy and out of a paranoia that she was cheating on him with Jeff. He was stupid. Jeff loved him too much to hurt him like that. He shouldn't have suspected…but he had. And the result was the breaking of Team Extreme. His rage and paranoia and his jealousy and his hurt was the fault line at the base of the earthquake called "Team Extreme's Breakup." 

He was confused and lost. No one loved him. He no longer had the security of knowing Jeff and Amy were behind him. He didn't have his brother or his girlfriend. The two most valuable people in the world to him were now dead to him. He was going mad with the knowledge of it. Even more agonizing was the fact it was he who had caused the split. He wanted to find a hammer and pound it into his skull so many times he could fall into a black abyss and never return. 

He was going insane. His sanity was leaving, was dwindling away from him. Love had been his anchor to reality, but the love that he needed had been taken, had been pushed away. And it was he who had shoved that love into the mud as if it wasn't worth his time nor anyone else's. He had broken Amy's heart. He had wounded Jeff's by accusing him over and over of not being good enough, of being a failure to the team and to the world in general. 

He had done it out of love. He loved Jeff and hated to see him taking those risks. Taking those breathing taking flips and those mesmerizing dives off of anything ten feet or higher. He hated seeing his brother in pain on the floor after missing and landing on a chair or a table or a cement floor. It was true that because of Jeff's crazy feats they had ended up losing a match, but it was also his fault because if he had been a good tag team partner he would have been there to back his brother up. By accusing Jeff of losing the matches he had placed doubt in Jeff's mind and the untrue knowledge that because of him they were not as grand as they should be.

He had seen how torn Jeff was. His personal pleasure of being great and brilliant and breath taking was fighting against the knowledge that if he subdued it, the Hardy Boyz could be the holders of the WWF tag team belts. Matt encouraged the latter and that confused Jeff even more.

Amy, being Amy, had seen what Matt was doing to Jeff. She had been angry and upset. Jeff was her brother, bonded by love and affection. Seeing him in such a confused state had angered her and she had turned it upon the person inflicting the damage: Matt. 

She had every right to be angry and like a fool he had met it with his own. The crescendo of boiling emotions that followed was devastating. They were being ripped apart. Their fragile relationship was cracking. Both were angry. It was bound to explode and Jeff was being pulled right along with it. 

And it fell. It came crashing. The entire thing. 

Matt closed his eyes and then opened them. The white walls were still white. He was going insane. No more love to harbor him. He wanted Amy back. He wanted Jeff back. His pride was huge, but his mind was cracking with the effort of trying to move on without them. If he didn't get them back, didn't speak with them soon, then he was going to fall. He was going to spiral into a depression he wouldn't be able to get out. He needed them. His soul was gone. 

Tomorrow he was going to plead for forgiveness. He didn't care what cost. They had to forgive him, had to. He would wait all day for them if he had to. If he had to sit outside the door of their houses for all eternity for them to forgive him, then so be it. It would be so. 

But he couldn't go on without them. He couldn't.

He closed his eyes again. They had to forgive them. They would. He had proven to them and to the world tonight that he still cared about them. He only hoped that they now believed that he was sorry. 

Suddenly he grinned. He was screwed up bad. He was beaten and he could barely talk, but he only hoped that it was enough to prove to Jeff and Amy that he cared about what happened to them. He felt reassurance creep through his veins. They would forgive him. They had seen the torture he had been put through, had seen that it was for them, that he hadn't avenged them, but had tried, oh, God, how he had tried.

__

Was the bitch really worth it?

Oh, yes. He would walk through the fires of hell for Amy, and for Jeff, too. 

He smiled.

They would always be worth it.

__

Breathing 

By Lifehouse

I'm finding my way back to sanity again

Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there

I'll take a breath and hold on tight

Spin around one more time and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

Cause I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't wanna speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me

Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door

And listen to your breathing, is where I wanna be

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm 

Trying to identify the voices in my head

God, which one is you

Let me feel one more time, what it feels like to feel again

And break these calluses off of me, one more time

Cause I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't wanna speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me

Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door 

And listen to your breathing, is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you

Beat you're tired of me 

Waiting for the straps to fall off of your table to the ground

Cause I just want to be there, now

Cause I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't wanna speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me

Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door

And listen to your breathing, is where I want to be

Cause I am hanging on every word you say 

And even if you don't wanna speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me

Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door

And listen to you breathing, is where I want to be 


End file.
